In a recent press conference President Bush stated that "Despite new concentrations on Iraq, America is still at war with terrorism." To show the progress in the war against terrorism President Bush read exerts from his upcoming book entitled Me Versus Terror. 

            - "If it looks like it's stuffed with something, just spill some juice on the floor and ask to use his towel to wipe it up." - exert taken from a chapter entitled: Not So Obvious Ways of Racial Profiling -

           - "He's probably got a baby-d*ck! I know I could out-drink him!" -exert taken from a chapter entitled: Osama Bin P*ssy -

    The President also released a transcript of a hypothetical conversation between a terrorist and a U.S. citizen. The conversation takes place in an airport. He urges anyone who hears something similar to this to notify the authorities immediately.

Citizen: "Those are nice shoes you have on."

Terrorist: "Thank you, you could say that they're da bomb."

Citizen: "Where did you get them?"

Terrorist: "My boss gave them to me after I got my pilot's license."

Citizen: "Where do you work?"

Terrorist: "I work at a local Seven-Eleven."

Citizen: "Cool. So...Are you single?"

Terrorist: "My wife died in training."

Citizen: "What happened?"

Terrorist: "Her ejection seat malfunctioned just before her plane crashed into a tool-shed. Look this is a picture of her."

Citizen: "She looks lovely. Where was this taken?"

Terrorist: "This picture was taken inside her father's cave. He's my boss and a very rich man."

Citizen: "It's almost time for me to board my flight."

Terrorist: "I have another ten minutes until mine."

Citizen: "So your father-in-law is your boss."

Terrorist: "Yes."

Citizen: "Does he pay you well?"

Terrorist: "Let's put it this way, I'm gonna live the rest of my life in first class."

Citizen: "Hey, could you do me a favor?"

Terrorist: "Sure."

Citizen: "Would you sign this? It's a petition trying to stop the United States from going to war with Iraq."

Terrorist: "Sure, anything for an old friend."

Citizen: "Ok good."

Terrorist: "I'm sorry...I don't have a pen."

Citizen: "Oh...neither do I. Wait...isn't that a pen stuck behind your ear?"

Terrorist: "Oh that's not a pen, it's an Exacto knife."

Citizen: "Oh well."

Terrorist: "I have to go, it was nice meeting you."

Citizen: "Bye."

    Again, if you have had a conversation that sounded like this one please notify the authorities.