September 20, 2002 | Security was tight at the Los Angeles premiere of 'The Tuxedo' last night because its star, JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT, has been dealing with a possible stalker. Police cleared the sidewalks surrounding the theater before the star arrived at the event because a man who has allegedly been following Hewitt was seen nearby. Hewitt came out for the crowd despite the possible threat as the movie's leading man JACKIE CHAN entertained his fans. (exert from entertainmenttonight.com)

   I, Richard Ronald Cyr have a confession to make it's me who's stalking Jennifer Love Hewitt, it's true. I can't help myself, crappy movies turn me on. When I saw I Know What You Did Last Summer I became obsessed. The poor acting and nonsense plot was invigorating. Then I saw I Still Know What You Did Last Summer! Oh my god! Forget about it! That movie did things to me that I did not even know were physically possible. Just writing about that movie makes me wanna...hold on...I'll be right back...Ok I'm back. Anyway, when I heard Jenny (I can call her Jenny now, she said so when I was holding a knife to her throat) was starring in a movie about a Tuxedo that could give you super powers, I lost it. and started stalking her. 

   I'll admit I was kind of shy at first. When I first began stalking her all I could do was call her and hang on the phone. After a while I got more confident, Many times I would find myself staring in her windows, other times I would mail her my underwear. One time I had to break into her apartment because I needed a fresh pair. I was saddened when I found out that she had thrown them away. How ungrateful is that? I mean she could have at least used them as dust rags or something. Anyway to make a long story short, after Marsha got hit in the face with the football, we won money from a talent show and were able to keep the house.

   Seriously though, Jenny I just want to tell you that I'm not going to stalk you anymore. I've moved on to bigger and better things! I'm going to stalk Fran Dresher, that laugh of hers makes me feel like a lone firefighter trying to handle a wild hose. I know it's gonna be tough when you look in your rearview mirror and you don't see me following you in my blue Beretta with the Mexican head bobbing doll bobbing up and down. And I know you will shed a single tear every time you order a pizza and there is not a slice missing when you open the box. You got to cheer up, remember you're Jennifer Love Hewitt and every guy you walk by checks out your @ss. You also have to keep in mind that somewhere out there in this crazy world some fifteen year old boy is downloading a picture of your head attached to someone else's naked body, and he's gonna masturbate, oh yes he is. That boy does not care that it's not your naked body he's masturbating to, because in his mind hes masturbating to only one woman and that woman is you Jennifer Love Hewitt!